Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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