my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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