DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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