I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm too high and old for this...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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