my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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