he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
