He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
