Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
