Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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