Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
