Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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