I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
