Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
