Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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