ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my being single is dangerous.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
