dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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