i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
