Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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