I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
