I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
