2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
