When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
