dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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