I hope mine doesn't look like that
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
