I skipped work to stalk him.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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