Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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