i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
