just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
