There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
