I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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