This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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