What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
