Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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