I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
