If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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