just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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