garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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