I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
