I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
