oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
