All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
