well I can't set my house on fire every night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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