I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
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Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize