So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dicks are not precious.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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