im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
