She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
