please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
