meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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