Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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