i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
