not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
