Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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