Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
