When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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