Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
