I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
