you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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