i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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