she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
